3/9/25
I just unsubscribed from care.com. The night before she died, after we had our big fight, I was feeling so helpless and overwhelmed. I was desperate for help. I felt like I needed to shepherd them both along, help get them out of their ruts, but for one thing I was at work while they were home most of the day. For another, we’d get into arguments anytime I tried. I created an account and posted this ad:
We are looking for a compassionate, reliable, and organized individual to assist two young adults (ages 18–22) with maintaining a structured routine. Responsibilities include helping with daily routines, medication reminders, making and getting to appointments, and personal goals (job applications, chores, etc.). Duties also include light housework (laundry, cleaning), meal preparation, and offering support to help build structure and independence. The ideal candidate is patient, organized, and comfortable with cats.
Looking back at this ad now… it’s so vague lol. How would it even have worked? I don’t know, I was just feeling so desperate for something to shift, and feeling completely ineffectual in my own efforts. I remember thinking I would talk to N.ate about how we could find room in the budget to pay for this unicorn person, and anticipating he’d say no.
The next day, after P was gone, I was getting email responses to my post so I logged in and took down the listing. But of course I kept getting emails so today I finally deleted my profile. The magical unicorn person, my imagined hero (that we couldn’t have afforded anyway) never had the chance to save us.
Laura, I relate to this so much. And I know every single parent of a child who struggles will see themselves so clearly here. That yearning for that unicorn, that Mary Poppins of teenaged angst, the AuDHD-Whisperer, the hobby that will become a passion that lights a fire, the friendship that will become a lifeline -- or for my own brilliant stroke of genius, or some perfect expert suggestion from book or podcast or the endless Instagram reels that promise to give you the answer -- that thing that will finally be the key to unlocking the path forward, or at least clearing some of the brambles. It is so elusive, and yet it is impossible to stop searching. Love you.