her things

3/14/25

Since we’re moving I’m having to decide what to keep and what to let go, of all our things, throughout the house. For things that are ours, it’s a normal level of difficulty, feels like normal moving. For her things, it feels impossible. People say you should keep only things that make you happy, bring you good memories. It’s too soon for us to know what that will be. So we’re erring on the side of keeping too much, for now. We have a couple big bins of her papers and projects. I’m keeping a few items of clothing. We kept some of her books.

Last night her friends Sydney, Kasey, and Izzy came over for pizza and then to go through some of her things that I had carefully set out. There were some books, some trinkets, some decks of tarot cards, etc. I told the kids about the set-up (things on shelves were free for the taking, things in clear bins could be looked through but should be put back). I didn’t go upstairs with them, I just let them go and look. After they left I realized there had been a mix-up. Earlier in the day I had boxed up books I wanted to keep. Somehow they identified that box as things they could take. Maybe I forgot to take it out of the room, I don’t know. And I don’t know for sure what books were in there. I think it may have been the Avatar the Last Airbender series, and all her old and worn Calvin and Hobbes books, Chi’s Sweet Home, among others. When I realized this mix-up had happened, and her friends had inadvertently taken some things I wanted to keep, I felt my stomach drop. I felt crushed. I thought about texting them and saying I had messed up, could they please bring those books back. But then I thought about all the books I still have of hers, all the other things we still have of hers. It’s a lot. I’m watching The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning. I’m trying to accept that I won’t be able to keep all her things forever. Those worn out Calvin and Hobbes books probably would have just sat on a shelf in our house for years without anyone touching them. So I’m working hard this morning to convince myself it’s better for her friend to have them, even if I didn’t mean to let them go quite yet.